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Joke of the Day

"What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person? You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message."

"My wife just found a pretzel in her hair and then she ate it and I didn't know I could love her more."

"[Worm sitting alone] WAITER: Dinner for 1? Dumb question W: But- *worm cuts self in half* *waiter shrieks* 2nd WORM: I'll have the prime rib"

"I've always lived by the motto 'work hard, play hard' But the HR department is starting to get concerned and the guys I ball with at the gym hate when I guard them"

"At first, I didn't like my haircut. But then it grew on me."

"Two spiders are at another spiders funeral. ""Peter was the most gentle spider I ever knew. He wouldn't hurt a fly."" ""Yeah, that's true. Do you know what he died from?"" ""Starvation."""

"A man goes to a partially deaf doctors Man: Doctor Doctor I can't remember who sang the Pinball Wizard. Doctor: The....... who?"

"Whats a shitty nickname for a tree theif? The Log Pincher."

"""You're attachment is too large,"" my computer tells me. I blush. ""My eyes are up here,"" I respond coyly."

"Why do cows have hooves? Because they lactose."