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Joke of the Day

"We only cook with fresh, local ingredients so tonight we're grilling our neighbor's cat."

"a fun pastime in America is driving teenage starlets into utter madness and then enjoying a hearty laugh afterwards"

"When was pasta introduced to the Middle East? when someone fed a genie alfredo"

"My wife and I made a vow to never go to bed angry. I'm so fucking tired!"

"A reddit mod walks into a bar... She promptly kicks everyone out, locks the doors and, declaring herself to be the bartender, proceeds to get drunk with power."

"What is Batman's least favorite Sex Act? The Pearl Necklace."

"The hardest thing about working in a restaurant is that your throat is always dry from spitting in everyone's food."

"I finally found a girlfriend! She was lost untill she found me. I'm glad I could give her a ride to her boyfriend's house."

"Are you 9/11, Gurl? Cuz I would never forget you."

"Had to pause Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory to go buy a king sized Snickers. This is why i can not watch Breaking Bad."