26712

Joke of the Day

"Friends are a lot like trees... They fall down when hit multiple times with an axe."

"I don't like going to the beach. I'm a playa hater."

"[Therapist appt.] Hub: She doesn't have her priorities straight. *Me on FaceTime with a petting zoo in the background* ""That's not true"""

"Keep death off our roads Drive on the pavement. . ."

"Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afganistan? Because there's a target on every corner."

"What does batman get in his drinks? Just Ice"

"After I ask a stranger if I can pet their dog and they say yes, I like to respond, ""I'll keep that in mind"" and walk off"

"[snake charmer struggling to get snake to stand up] I swear this never happens"

"There is no ""we"" in chocolate."

"If we just refer to ISIS as ""Nickelback"" maybe nobody will want to join them"