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Joke of the Day

"How did Popeye buy long sleeve shirts?"

"When I die, I want to go out like my Grandfather... in his sleep... Not like the other passengers in his car!"

"Does anyone know any jokes about buttons? Topic."

"So I tried to tell a friend of mine an Isis joke... but it was poorly executed"

"*spreads toilet seat cover over santa's lap before sitting down*"

"It must have been so risky for pirates to slightly burn the edges of all their treasure maps and then dip them in tea."

"The clearer your conscience, the more likely you are to answer a call from an unknown number."

"What's white and 12 inches?? Nothing"

"The Judge said to the defendant. ""I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again."" ""Your Honor"" the criminal said ""that's what I tried to tell the police but they wouldn't listen."""

"I made a shitty voodoo doll, once... ...and all the limbs fell off. Worked out for me, though."