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Joke of the Day

"Got out of the car and dropped my keys in the gutter. They landed next to my mind, which I thought I'd lost."

"Playing doctors and nurses with the wife in the bedroom last night didn't go very well. Especially when I diagnosed her as clinically obese."

"Where does a rapists train stop? Anal deva-station"

"I asked an Indian if he likes custard He said, ""not in general."""

"When Yuri Gagarin was a kid, he dreamt to be the first one in outer space ... ... but some bitches beat him to it."

"I rented this bobcat to help me dig up my new pool but he won't even hold the shovel. He's just eating all the neighborhood squirrels."

"Coworker: Do u have a phone charger? Me: No. CW: How about the 1 on your desk? Me: WHO ARE U CALLING A JIGGABOO LINDA?! CW: OMG! *runs away*"

"Ugh. It's bath time again and I always forget if you wash the baby on 'delicates' or 'permanent press'."

"9 out of 10 dentists recommend crest pro health... The other one is killing a lion"

"My kids are in Karate class and I'm just sitting here thinking that I could kick the shit out of half these 6 year olds."