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Joke of the Day
"Time is at once the most valuable and most perishable of all our possessions."
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"""GIMME AN E! ... GIMME ANOTHER E! ... GIMME ANOTHER E! ... GIMME ANOTHER E! ... GIMME ANOTHER E! ..."" - Cheerleader who loves ecstasy"
"I'm not poor. I'm big-loaned."
"What do you call a gangster with no limbs? A crip"
"I offended someone with a joke about molestation. I forgot it's a touchy subject."
"When I die, just toss my body out of an airplane flying over NYC while wearing a superman costume."
"My girlfriend finished all my french fries... I couldn't KETCHUP."
"Some people are like slinkies... ...they're not really good for anything but they still put a smile on your face when you push them down the stairs."
"My Black friend was pissed off that he didn't get a job he was totally qualified for so I told him to ""lighten up"" we're no longer friends."
"I got chased by two Canadian geese today. I know they were Canadian because when they realized I was genuinely scared, they apologized."