27086

Joke of the Day

"I offended someone with a joke about molestation. I forgot it's a touchy subject."

"I asked my redneck friend what he thought of the Trans-Pacific Partnership He said that as long as they don't marry, then he's okay with it."

"*4YO and I slo-mo run towards each other* 4: I didn't pee the bed daddy! Me: Me neither! *big hug* It was a big night for both of us."

"My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs... I've been his customer for 6 years. I had no idea he was a barber."

"Why do hunters close one eye before shooting? Because if they close the other, they can't see!"

"You know what's odd about those girls at Starbucks? They, like, literally can't, even."

"What's the difference between a French kiss and an Australian kiss? They are basically the same except you do an Australian kiss down under."

"True Story: A guy at the supermarket walked up to me today and asked me if I was on twitter. I said no. If you're reading this, I lied."

"What do you call a combination of a joke and a rhetorical question?"

"How come when my kid wants to show me something, she has to place it directly inside my cornea?"