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Joke of the Day

"Due to its location South Africa doesn't experience full tide or low tide... it has apartheid."

"Cop: can you describe the man who stole your watch? Me: Yes, he had exceptional taste"

"I love it when I run into people I know at my psychiatrist's office... Because I'm like, ""Hey, you're crazy too? Cool."""

"Sent this guy 27 texts in the last hour and haven't heard back so I guess I should probably drive over to his house and make sure he's okay."

"In response to McDonald's pay with hugs campaign, Nationwide will allow you to pay for insurance with DEATH."

"Two people are in a fight. Guy 1: ""Well, your sister blew me, and it only cost two dollars!"" Guy 2: ""So she's only charging a dollar an inch these days?"""

"Civil war To all of the Hillary supporters who are unhappy with the election and would like to start a civil war, just remember, you are on the side that doesn't want any guns."

"Girl, you got more legs than a bucket of chicken!"

"""You're bleeding because you don't floss"" Me: No, I'm bleeding because I ate the entire bowl of deceivingly fake fruit in your waiting room."

"[to an inflatable tube man waving outside a car dealership] i feel like you're overreacting. these are moderate savings at best"