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Joke of the Day

"Civil war To all of the Hillary supporters who are unhappy with the election and would like to start a civil war, just remember, you are on the side that doesn't want any guns."

"How do you make a lemon orgasm? You rub its cituris."

"If I had a million dollars for every time I looked at the negative side of things, I'd have way too many god damn taxes to pay."

"I brought my cannibal friend over to a party... He sucked the life right out of it."

"My friend David lost his ID... Now we just call him Dav."

"What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog? We really do taste like chicken!"

"I hope the friends that haven't called me in a while know how much I appreciate that."

"My mom should have been on a plane that crashed on 9/11 *I* think."

"Did you hear about the Scooby Doo villain who became an Olympic swimmer? He would have won, if it weren't for all those medaling swimmers!"

"How do you make a peanut butter and Reddit sandwich? You spreddit."