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Joke of the Day

"Was out a drive with my dyslexic mate... I notice there's something not right. ""Can you smell petrol?"" I say ""Smell petrol?! I can't even smell my name"""

"What does Captain Kirk wear to the fitness center? Jim shorts."

"Did you hear about the guy with a jurisprudence fetish? He got off on a technicality..."

"What's the similarity between Bruce Jenner and a Pharaoh? At some point they turned into Mummys"

"What do you get when you mix liquor and literature.... Tequila Mockingbird"

"be careful when u talk baby talk to a baby becuase if u dont understand what ur saying u may acidentaly be declaring war in baby langauge"

"My brother just updated his status to ""I love my girlfriend <3"". I always knew he liked them young, but that is fucking ridiculous."

"Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair..."

"Confession: I masturbate. Damn, that felt good."

"I farted in an Apple store today and everyone yelled at me... Like it's my fault they don't have Windows..."