25628

Joke of the Day

"My sleeping pills say don't mix with alcohol, but drop it in the glass and it dissolves just fine. Doctors think they know everything."

"I hate being bipolar. It's awesome."

"I like my coffee like I like my ships. Full of semen."

"Congratulations to our winner, Todd, who correctly guessed there were ""hella jellybeans"" in the jar."

"The Nigerian Government is now offering a $3m reward for the safe return of the missing girls. All you need to do is provide your name, address, date of birth, bank details and mother's maiden name."

"Do these jeans make me look fat? And don't cover your nose this time! -Pinocchio's girlfriend"

"AMD hardware aren't for weaklings only for people who can handle the heat!"

"I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so I'm dressing up as a phone battery at 2%."

"""We're not buying another toy until Mommy gets laid!"" might not be the most appropriate thing to yell in ToysRUs."

"Going to a Yahtzee party. I hope that isn't slang for something gay. Well, gayer than Yahtzee."