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Joke of the Day

"How much toilet paper do people use on a daily basis? A shit ton."

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"If a cop sees a black guy crossing the street and a white guy robbing an old lady, who does he shot first? The thief because first duty then plesure"
"Um, my eyes are up here. -giraffes"
"Awful chat-up line: ""Did your mother have zika virus?"" Because I like a little head"
"You find it offensive. I find it funny, that's why I'm happier than you."
"Don't hand me the phone Don't hand me the phone Don't hand me th-HIIIIII GRANDMA I'M GOOOOOD..."
"toddlers and tiaras more like PROSTITODDLERS AYYYYYY"
"One snowman says to the other snowman, ""do you smell carrots?"""
"I held a convention for solipsists. Nobody else showed up. So I sent everyone home."
"If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic."