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Joke of the Day

"I just lifted a couch to retrieve a Skittle that fell underneath it, so I get you Moms that lift cars to rescue children, I get you."

"Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition."

"I committed a petty theft today... The cops took me in on charges for a salt and battery."

"Have you ever heard of the similarities between a choo choo tran and a brthday? Neither have i"

"Sperm 1: ""Geez I'm exhausted, how much further to the Fallopian tubes?"" Sperm 2: ""A long way, we've just passed the tonsils..."""

"Police Chief: Why do you spend all your time trying to hit flies? Officer: You assigned me to the swat team didn't you?"

"What do you give a sick snake ? Asp-rin !"

"Swallowing glass is a real pane in the neck."

"A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner... ...The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. ""Och, I look like a pig!"" The man nods, ""And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"""

"Shouting ""Shotgun"" will get you the front seat of a car or a heap of cash if you whisper it to a cashier."