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Joke of the Day

"What happens to a jew when he runs into a wall with an erection? He breaks his nose"

"My girlfriend is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with Italian food. I wouldn't put it pasta."

"Before I get out of an elevator, I hug every single person in there with me and whisper in their ear ""You've taught me so much."""

"My stepdad hates it when I call him Bernie... He's really sensitive a about his scars..."

"As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?"

"What is the oldest joke we have on record? (X-post) http://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/2krnv8/what_is_the_oldest_joke_we_have_on_record/"

"Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience."

"If South Carolina is the Game Cocks Their offensive line would be the cock blockers"

"In Europe it's called fruit by the 1/3rd of a meter."

"The down arrow key on my laptop isn't functional. IT asked me if they should call the on-site repair guy to come in today... I told them it wasn't pressing."