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Joke of the Day

"Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience."

"People as ticklish as me shouldn't get pedicures. I've kicked this Asian in the face twice already."

"What is the difference between a golfer and skydiver? A golfer goes *whack* ""damn"" and a skydiver goes ""damn"" *whack*."

"I woke this morning to find Mr.Mittens on the bed staring at me with a look that said 'You're a mouth breather, and I'll never respect you'"

"What did the druggie do when he got acid? Took some tums"

"Where do sperm go to die when you jack off? The sementary."

"Used to go out with a girl who'd punch me in the face each time she had an orgasm. I didn't mind too much until I found out she was faking them."

"I painted my computer black thinking it would run faster... Now it doesn't work"

"Why is owning a Prius difficult? It's hard to drive when you're patting yourself on the back all the time."

"My wife tried to sue me for impotence But luckily they couldn't make it stand up in court"