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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a fly that literally can't even?"

"I don't attend funerals, even if I was close with the deceased. I'm just not a mourning person."

"Accidentally bought a Venti at Starbucks and now I can't afford to go to college :("

"Why are people without converse shoes dangerous? Because they own none chucks."

"I thought I really understood what I was thinking, and then I spoke."

"What's the best part about fingering a Gypsy on her period? You get your palm read at the same time...."

"I'm 99% sure I have trust issues. Though I'm not sure I trust my math. Edit: I grammar well"

"Please don't drink and drive. Last night I put my hand out of the car to indicate i was turning right and some moron pulled the the bottle out of my hand"

"Where do terrorists go to get a bite to eat? the Allahu snack-bar."

"I commented on a ELI5 about occam's razor. My answer wasn't long enough and was flagged by the moderator-bot."