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Joke of the Day

"I used to make a living crushing cans. It was soda pressing."

"Boss: you're late Me: traffic Carol: he was in his car taking selfies again Me: goddammit Carol, I will cut you"

"The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil."

"I sent ten puns to an online contest... I was hoping at least one would win a prize but no pun in ten did."

"What did one casket say to the other casket? ""Is that you coughin?"""

"Q: You go to a cockfight. How do you know if a Polak is there? A: He's the one with a duck."

"When I die... When I die I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did in his sleep. Not screaming in pain like the passengers in his car."

"I love those lanes at the store where you can just bag your groceries, make some beep-boop noises and walk out without paying."

"Car insurance companies got it right Don't date women under 25!"

"Why did the skeleton leave the party? Because everyone was calling him a bone-head. (I was 6 when I came up with that)."