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Joke of the Day
"Autocorrect: Without it you're fucked. And with it you're ducked."
Next Joke
 
"The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room."
"Don't waste electricity. Would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?"
"So this pirate walks into a bar and he has the ships wheel attached to his hips. The bar tender says, ""wow that looks uncomfortable!"" The pirate responds, ""ARGH ITS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!"""
"What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore."
"Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store asked to come back soon"
"Father: *places hand on shoulder* My son..... *Son: Yes father? *Father: Check out this cool severed hand I just found! editted for format, which I suck at apparently"
"One More Hilarious Vampire Joke ...actually it sucks."
"A man was stabbed in the stomach in an alley... he was gonna punch him back, but he didn't have the guts."
"What did the homeowner say to the fruit growing gardener? Water me lawn"