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Joke of the Day

"I cropped my kids out of my online dating profile photos. They can find their own dates."

"What happened to the tasty noun? Verbatim."

"Boy 1: ""How did you get that bruise on your arm?"" Boy 2: ""I ate some Easter candy."" Boy 1: ""Eating Easter candy won't give you a bruise."" Boy 2: ""It will if it's your big brother's candy!"""

"I accidentally typed ""abeer"" instead of ""a beer"" and iPhone transformed it to ""cobbler""--Anyway, drunk on cobbler."

"My gf won't get the remote that's in the other room, but if my wallet was at the bottom of an ocean she'd be shopping already."

"What do you call a french gayman? A faguette."

"Why did the shell not go to the beach? Because he was self-CONCH-ious."

"Oh trust me, I am very racist I ran plenty of marathons"

"What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat."

"I've slept with every school teacher I've ever had. Yep, home schooling has its perks."