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Joke of the Day

"There are three types of people in this world Those who can count, and those who can't."

"You just HAD to let snakes and spiders on the Ark, didn't you Noah? Way to go, man. Way. To. Go."

"I came. I saw. I... Oh, shit! Does anyone know how to remove semen from woodworking tools?"

"My best friend's marriage is such an inspiration. As a reminder that there are worse things than dying alone."

"Did you hear bout that mafia goon who crossdressed as a female servant? He was a maid man."

"My high school bully still takes my lunch money... On the plus side, he makes really good subway sandwiches"

"What do a call a fish with no eyes A blind fish"

"The old ones are the best ones... ...unless we're talking about pornstars of course."

"I have the body of a 25-year-old girl, a 25-year-old who has recently been eaten by a 40-year-old bear."

"Facebook should invent a relationship status that says ""Only when I'm drunk."""