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Joke of the Day

"Dad says to me, you'd be a great fisherman Because you check the net all the time"

"I feel like (for me) to be great one day is to finish what Hitler didn't... Art school"

"Why do blonde girls have bruises around their belly buttons? Because blonde guys aren't that smart either"

"the worst part about being vegan is having to get up early to milk the almonds"

"My girlfriend and I couldn't agree on which guitar strings to play In the end we struck an A Chord"

"I'm getting to the age where I could be a cougar, but Wikipedia says cougars are ""slender and agile"" which pretty much rules that out."

"The guy behind me honked a nanosecond after the light turned green. So I put on my flashers and here I sit, tweeting about the whole thing"

"Exterminators: The only profession in which you put yourself out of business by being really good at your job."

"What is Gordon Ramsay's favourite movie? It's fucking Frozen!!!!!"

"You can just walk into a Blockbuster and take a shit on the floor now. It's not even illegal."