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Joke of the Day

"How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Apparently not 8 because my basement is still dark."

"I'm not a fan of anal sex with the deceased any more. In fact I only did it once in a blue moon."

"Q: What do Blondes say after sex? A1: Thanks Guys. A2: Are you boys all in the same band? A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?"

"Why did the hobbit go vegan? Because MEAT IS MORDOR!"

"Today's youth are getting worse. I was in a church yesterday, when I saw a guy lighting a cigarette from the candle. I was so shocked, that I dropped my beer bottle."

"What do ghosts use for lube? Rectoplasm..."

"My favorite tree died earlier. Now I have mourning wood."

"Apparently even if you delete the drunk text messages you sent last night from your phone, the other person can still see them."

"I used to be addicted to soap... I'm clean now."

"7yo: Let's not talk ALL day today 6yo: Ok! Me: *holy shit yessss* 7yo: LET'S ONLY WHISTLE AND CLAP INSTEAD Me: Right. Of course."