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Joke of the Day

"Today's youth are getting worse. I was in a church yesterday, when I saw a guy lighting a cigarette from the candle. I was so shocked, that I dropped my beer bottle."

"Why did the console cross the road? To render the buildings on the other side"

"Did you guys hear about the serial killer who's using smaller and smaller socks to strangle each new victim? Be careful, they say he's still at large."

"HI I SPIT GUM OUT OF MY CAR ON THE FREEWAY AND IT BLEW BACK IN MY EAR 911: Sir, u need to pull over WHAT 911: Use your other ear, sir WHAT"

"I get why Tupac's band smoked his ashes... ...It would have been tacky to take a shot in his memory."

"ME: Is it true you can smell diseases? MY DOG: Yes ME: Well do I have any? MY DOG: Yes, you're insane ME: Wow you can smell that? MY DOG: No"

"I'm sick to death of cocaine dealers... always sticking their business in other people's noses."

"What do you call an all panda furry orgy? Panda-moan-ium"

"This Brazil v. Germany World Cup Game."

"So a girl asked me if I was a tits or an ass man.. so I said, well my friends always tell me, ""You're an ass, man!"" Ba dum tiss."