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Joke of the Day

"How do you get your partner to give you head? Put them in a guillotine."

"Draw me like one of your French Fries."

"My Zombie Friend was getting fat. So his doctor put him on a diet. It was a no-brainer."

"*Knocks on door* Hey open up. You didn't reply to my last 43 texts & then you tweeted about a guy who keeps annoying you. You need help?"

"Jared Fogle Of Subway Started and Ended His Career The Same Way. Trying to get into smaller pants."

"A joke my grandfather told me Women's rights"

"Civil War reenactments are a lot like meetings. You do the same thing over and over again while waiting for your turn to die."

"I tried phone sex last night Safe to say, I would prefer if you didn't call me during working hours until it goes flat."

"Knock knock.... (Who's there?) Ellen Pao's Resume."

"Q: Why do most people have trouble obtaining blood transfusions in Taiwan? A: Because they only have Taipei."