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Joke of the Day

"I think I've lost an electron. Ion a minute, are you positive?"

"I wasn't upset about that black cat crossing my path but mouthing ""you're fucked"" as he passed was just rude."

"What's the difference between George W. Bush and Hitler? Hitler was an evil *genius*."

"Two wrongs don't make a right, take your parents as an example."

"I don't mind being back on my meds... I just think it's sad that at the same time all the dogs in the neighbourhood stopped talking to me."

"Need an ark? I Noah guy"

"Bad news: I burned my finger on the toaster. Good news: 1 down, 9 stupid incriminating fingerprints to go."

"Did you know that each condom has a serial number printed on it? I guess you have never had to roll it back that far."

"Why can't cats survive on Mars, even with spacesuits? Because Curiosity will kill them."

"Q: How many Leos does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Leos don't change lightbulbs although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're out."