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Joke of the Day

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Mick Jagger Barbie ...Mick with Barbie's head...but Mick's lips"

"Me: I'm going shopping. Him: If you buy more than one pair of shoes I'm divorcing you. Me: Deal!"

"20 yrs from now they'll make a movie on how Leonardo DeCaprio never won an Oscar. Plot twist the actor playing him wins an Oscar."

"[getting a haircut] BARBER: anything else? ME: cut me BARBER: what? no ME: like sweeney todd BARBER: i'm no- ME:make me into a pie"

"Have you heard the joke about the jump rope? You can skip it."

"""I can't wait to move back to Mexico."" -No Juan, ever"

"My marriage counselor told me that I suffer from premature ejaculation... I said...""I don't suffer."""

"What do you call a joke without a punchline??"

"You might think you're smart until you try using someone else's microwave."

"I think police forgot which organized group of white dudes with shaved heads they are."