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Joke of the Day

"is this already a joke? Why don't pastry chefs buy taylor made cigarettes? Because they profiterole their own"

"Did you hear about the agnostic dyslexic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog."

"How many conspiratards does it take to screw in a light bulb....? ""NONE! ITS A SECRET GOVERNMENT PLOT TO KEEP US IN THE DARK!"""

"before you do a horrific crime, double check whether you could get the death penalty for it and if so whether you really want to do it"

"Instead of thinking about what you're missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing."

"Someone hired a sloth with a knife to murder me, he's in my driveway, so I have 6-8 months to live"

"I was nervous about meeting new people on a cruise... ... until I realised, we are all in the same boat."

"I ate a banana so big that my Facebook relationship status automatically changed from ""Married"" to ""It's Complicated."""

"Average people are mean ."

"how do you keep an asshole in suspense?"