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Joke of the Day

"After sex last night... ...my new girlfriend snuggled up next to me and said, ""You know, you are by far the biggest I've ever had"". Apparently ""Ditto"" is not the right response."

"Luke: Lightsabers cut through anything. Ninja: So does a samurai sword. L: But does it make a cool noise? N: *cuts off Luke's other hand*"

"I think the best thing about being a house wife is that you would get to be married to a house!"

"Drug companies are like high school boyfriends They're much more concerned with getting inside you than being effective once they get in there. - Credit to John Oliver"

"I've got a shitty joke. Why did the poo have a crappy life? Because his dad is an arsehole"

"How do Jedi warm up for sexy time? Forceplay"

"2 men walk into a bar... You would think one of them saw it"

"Turn your proctologist into a magician by stuffing 45 feet of scarves in your butt."

"Forget everything you learn... 'Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here.' 'But I never went to college.' 'Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here.'"

"Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was just actually just opening a Kit Kat I didn't wanna share."