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Joke of the Day

"Hillary should make Bernie the ambassador to Japan. His knowledge of harpooning whales will definitely help bridge the cultural divide."

"Web MD is like a Choose Your Own Adventure book where the ending is always cancer."

"Did you hear about the dolphin who went thru a existential crisis? Turns out, he lost his sense of porpoise."

"My husband's doing that cute thing again where he thinks he's right. *throws his shit out on the lawn* *makes a bonfire*"

"Did you hear about the new Vietnamese cookbook? It's called ""101 ways to wok your dog"""

"A dad walks into his daughter's room and saw her fapping with a cucumber, he said: Hey! I was going to eat that, now it's going to taste like cucumber!"

"What does a gay horse eat? Dick you idiot."

"Every time you do a shot of tequila, an angel hi-fives a fairy and they agree to meet later to kick you in the head while you're sleeping."

"For Halloween, my neighbor put up a Wolverine themed scarecrow. And it's terrifying my daughter. I guess she is claw-straw-phobic..."

"Religion is like a penis Its okay to have one... But problems arise when to you force it down someones throats."