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Joke of the Day

"Going to Arizona in 2 weeks. Better bring my passport in case I accidentally get a tan."

"How many potatoes does it take to kill a Latvian? None."

"How are dildos and tofu alike? They're both meat substitutes."

"I heard Google is turning 15 years old today. Now it's really going to think it knows everything."

"My wife asked me for a double-entendre.... .....so I gave her one."

"[Me as 911 Operator] *phone rings* I wait for it to stop ringing and text back ""what's up"""

"I don't know what it is, but there is something strangely sexy about the way my grandad gets down doggystyle so I can wipe him. nevermind."

"The worst part of this election... ...isn't that Donald Trump won, but that fucking Amy Schumer is reneging on her promise to leave the country."

"Everyone's always talking about our forefathers... I'm pretty sure there were more than that."

"What part of the body never wins? Dafeat"