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Joke of the Day

"Mr. Salad asks Ms. Soup to go on a date. Ms. Soup accepts. ""What should I wear?"" Mr. Salad asks. She replies, ""It doesn't matter to me, just be well dressed."""

"What's a catholic's favourite type of car? A convertible."

"How many handicapped guys does it take to change a light bulb? Just one if it's Professor X."

"This morning I had a swollen testicle. ""I'd have simply preferred toast,"" I told my wife."

"(First Day as Mailman) ME: *wearing a suit made out of stapled together pieces of mail* Sup? BOSS: You're supposed to deliver those. ME: No."

"What has four legs and says ""hoe de doe, hoe de doe""? Two black guys trying to catch an elevator."

"I didn't like the idea of having a beard But then it grew on me"

"A grasshopper walks into a bar... A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, ""hey, I got a drink named after you!"" The grasshopper says, ""hey you got a drink named Steve?!"""

"At least I have all day sober to Sunday up....."

"How many ""friendzoned"" guys does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw."