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Joke of the Day

"I feel a weird sense of pride when I'm so drunk that autocorrect just gives up."

"Do you know what the twins were doing in the wigwam? I can't tell you... it's *two-in-tents*."

"I like my coffee the way a cannibal likes his women. Boiled in a pot."

"The day I decided I wanted to do drugs Was the day I saw your crack"

"Hey Chandler, wanna hang out with me, Phoebe and Monica later? We're going to the park to open and close umbrellas in a fountain."

"Roses are red, violets are blue. I am schizophrenic. I am too."

"Which Harry Potter character is best suited for an apple product. Sirius black"

"Adding ""and shit"" to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and shit."

"I like my women with curves. Those skinny ones are alway mad cause they're hungry."

"If I was hanging off a cliff for my life and you told me to take your hand I would stop screaming to tell you I'm afraid of intimacy"