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Joke of the Day

"Went to ""The Social Network."" I ran into people I didn't like in high school and they kept showing me pictures of their kids."

"Who won the race between two balls of string? They we're tied!"

"Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains! Well don't have a shower because you might be dry clean only."

"*trains 1 million soldier ants* *gets carried to work*"

"Where do you send bad Russian cows? The Moolag"

"How many violent revolutions does it take to change a lightbulb? Violent revolutions never change anything."

"Daughter steals my iPad so I left Google open on ""too many kids"" & ""making it look accidental."" Found my iPad but haven't seen her all day."

"Have you heard the one about the grain farmer? It was corny."

"Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes? Because he uses the finest ingredients, *asshole*."

"If you love a cat, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours to keep. If it doesn't, you drove far enough."