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Joke of the Day

"Saying ""oh my gosh you're getting so big!"" is cute and acceptable to say to a 6 year old. Not so much to an ex-girlfriend."

"I can't be what you want. I'm too busy being what I want."

"What is a drug? A drug is a substance which when injected into a guinea pig produces a scientific paper."

"Q: What did the book say to the librarian? A: Can I take you out?"

"Neutrinos ""Sorry we don't serve neutrinos,"" says the barman. A neutrino walks into a bar."

"What doesn't kill you, tries again."

"Conservatives keep telling me to find Jesus How am I supposed to find him if they want him sent back to mexico and want a wall to keep him out?"

"Girls really shouldn't wear animal print clothing... ...if they're bigger than the said animal."

"Wife [returns home] have you eaten Me: have you eaten Wife: are you copying me?! Me: are you copying me Wife: I Love You Me: I already ate"

"what did the infant cannibal think of the premature section of the nursing ward it was a preemie-yum buffet"