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Joke of the Day

"Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake One blonde yells to the other ""How do I get to the other side?!"" The other blonde responds ""You are on the other side!"""

"Everyone's all worried about World War III. Worry about the important shit. Batman's fighting Superman in 2016."

"I was awakened with a blowjob today I need to start sleeping with my mouth closed."

"This is the test you should take to know if you are a man. Really????"

"Why was Jimmy Glasscock bad at hide and seek? You could always see him coming."

"Since I've been on my own, I no longer trust a whole gallon of milk... The problem is every time I bring it into my house, it doesn't get drunk. It gets wasted."

"I had a racing snail... To make him more aero-dynamic I took off its shell. If anything it made him more sluggish"

"I just found out my wife has an identical twin I saw her on Tinder."

"Why does the Coast Guard have a 6 foot height requirement? So when their ship sinks they can walk back to shore."

"What was the name of Paul Revere's favorite porno mag? The British are Coming"