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Joke of the Day
"Whenever I catch someone talking about me behind my back I tell them you discussed me"
Next Joke
"Just called my own voicemail and left messages until the memory was full. People can't leave messages now. That's the kind of genius I am."
"Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere"
"I think we should find time today to send a friend request to Myspace Tom on Facebook; he was there for us when we didn't have any friends."
"Of all the possible utensils you can use to eat rice... ...how the fuck did two sticks win?"
"NICK CANNON: hello and welcome to america's got talent HAWK: [hiding his talons behind his back] i misunderstood the title of this show"
"I sent the guy on the couch to the store for bread. I'll get 6 texts and a phone call and he'll come back with peaches."
"Bros were dying to know the song I had playing on the gym speakers, said it activated beast mode for them. It was ""Tracy chapman - fast car"""
"It's funny how your tweets are funnier now that I know you're hot. -everyone on Twitter"
"How does a black women know she's pregnant? When she pulls put her tampon the cotton I'd already picked"