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Joke of the Day

"What does a horny gay rooster say in the morning? ""Any-cock'll-doooooo!"""

"I can't take movies seriously if the main characters aren't stopping to Instagram their meals and Tweet out the chase scenes."

"A talented artist sculpts a dog out of melons. After it looks perfect, he takes a picture of it, then starts eating it. He is suddenly very sad. He was full of *melon-collie*."

"Interviewer: ""Your resume says you have a bad memory."" Me: ""I said that?"""

"So I was talking to my Australian friend when I asked him what country his Mother was from ""Alaska"" ""Okay well tell me what she says"""

"What's the difference between a slut and a mosquito? A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it."

"Shoutout to my upstairs neighbors who wrestled a large moose last night"

"My girlfriend asked me to give her 9 inches and make it hurt. So I fucked her 3 times and punched her in the face"

"Harambe walks into a bar Bartender: What can I get for you? Harambe: Just ice for Harambe. Bartender: Sorry, we're out of ice. Best I can give you is a shot."

"I recently visited an only anal porn website, but I quickly left It was full of assholes"