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Joke of the Day

"Iggy Azalea must have an infinitely high viscosity because she got no flow."

"Snickers wrapper: ""contains peanuts"", I expected, but ""brief language"" and ""partial nudity"" was a total surprise."

"Did you know we only use 10% of our brains? ""Actually that's a myth-"" This part is useless *stabs fork in head* See? Now florble arble guh"

"Why was most of Jesus' walk downtown very awkward? Because his friend asked him when he thought they should cross."

"Q: Define Transvestite: A: A guy who likes to eat drink and be Mary."

"[pizza delivery] Girl: Is there an other way I can pay you? *bites lip* uh HELL YEAH! *pulls out phone* see that RT button?"

"Can you conquer the largest continent on earth? No, but Genghis Khan!"

"[describing robbers to sketch artist] Make his ears more lethargic. That's better, now flare his nostrils like he's excited about a sale."

"It was a shame King Henry VIII had a lisp, it made it quite difficult for him to order his wives coffee. ""I'll have them decapitated"""

"Speed dating? You mean pizza delivered in less than 30 mins..."