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Joke of the Day

"Toy Story has resulted in me not being able to throw away my childhood toys in case they get depressed and want to kill themselves."

"Whenever you find four Priests... you'll find a Fifth."

"I just walked through a spiderweb and invented the next Macarena."

"Hey son, I know you're 5 years old and you think monsters are under your bed, so here's a gun, just start shooting if you hear anything"

"If a cop is at the door when I answer, I yell into the house ""Anyone order a stripper?"" then say ""Sorry, wrong house"" & slam the door shut."

"I slipped on some black ice yesterday... I thought it was regular ice until I realized my wallet was gone."

"ME: want anything for breakfast? BOSS: just banana [struggling to hold office door shut] ANA: let me in! ME: sorry boss said to ban you"

"What do Asians meeting up at their favorite Chinese take-out say? ""Where my dogs at?"""

"Just once, I want someone to look at me and say, ""That's her. She's the one"" And not follow it with ""who ate cake out of the garbage"""

"I refuse to participate in scavenger hunts because it's still murder to shoot people even if they were digging in dumpsters."