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Joke of the Day

"I have an archaeology exam tomorrow And it doesn't matter if I pass or fail because either way... My future's in ruins."

"Grabs intercom: ANYONE WHO WOULD LIKE TO JOIN MY MILITIA, STAY HERE! WE ARE GOING TO OCCUPY THIS OLIVE GARDEN UNTIL I GET MORE BREADSTICKS"

"My wife went into labor this morning and I was excited until I saw that it's somebody's birthday on FB that I didn't like."

"What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche? With the porcupine, the pricks are on the outside."

"Religion is a lot like sex They've both destroyed just as many lives as they have created."

"If I've learned anything in life, it's that not enough people are at a loss for words."

"The teacher asked Simon to say his name backwards. ""No mis"" he replied"

"What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light-bulb? You can un-screw the light-bulb"

"Diarrhea is hereditary In runs in the jeans"

"Did you hear about the houses that fell in love? They had a lawn-distance relationship."