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Joke of the Day

"I really want to kill my roommate but I just dont know if I could live with myself."

"My wife wanted to spice up our sex life. So she asks me if I wanna have a threesome. I said, ""Sweetie. If I ever have sex with two women at the same time..... neither one is gonna be you."""

"I really, really need to stop eating clocks It is very time consuming"

"Show me a gay married couple And I'll show you a couple that hasn't been married 25 years."

"We just had Christmas and now Easter is right around the corner. Hard to believe they crucified Jesus when he was only 4 months old."

"Where does Optimus Prime go for cosmetic repairs? To the autobotty shop!"

"I mean I married my wife for her looks, but not the dirty ones she's been giving me lately."

"Me: Give me some space, I'm feeling claustrophobic 8 whispers to 9: Leave Mom alone, she has to poop but she can't"

"[x-post from askreddit] Aside from throwing stones, what should a person living in a glass house not do?"

"The only indie movie I like is Raiders of the Lost Ark"