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Joke of the Day

"A man calls his doctor late at night. ""Doc! My arm got broke in two places! What should I do?!"" The sleepy M.D replies, ""Don't go back to either of them."""

"Someone should have warned me, that when you have kids, they talk to you, like, ALL. THE. TIME."

"The letter E is used frequently and infrequently."

"I've got a mentally disabled flamboyantly homosexual friend. I describe him as being flame retardant."

"Interviewer: Name some of your weaknesses. Me: I procrastinate. Haphazard, cantankerous... Interviewer: Strengths? Me: Vocabulary?"

"If you are a woman and you like men that wear glasses... I am full of specs appeal."

"""For every action there is an unequal and opposite overreaction."" - Newton's law of the Internet"

"""Contact Us"" Oh yeah, I'm gonna contact the shit out of you"

"What's the brightest airship ever made? LED Zeppelin"

"What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? The holocaust."