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Joke of the Day

"A man calls his doctor late at night. ""Doc! My arm got broke in two places! What should I do?!"" The sleepy M.D replies, ""Don't go back to either of them."""

"My son just announced ""I like snacks."" I'm off to draft a press release."

"I was trying to write an essay about the jews in World War II.. But I just couldn't concentrate."

"Honesty is the best policy, unless you're trying to return something that you've already worn."

"The doctor told me I couldn't lift large objects for two weeks after surgery. Guess I'll be peeing sitting down for awhile."

"What's the easiest way to get a little head? The Zika virus."

"Why did the farmer screw their sheep on a cliff? They push back harder. (Told to me by my NZ step father about Australians, of course.)"

"What will they call Bruce Jenner after the final sex-change operation? Sluice"

"When I watch an '80s movie I can't help but think about how all those malls are dead now."

"What is a pirates favorite letter? R? No it be the C!"