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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes to take a break from frightening election news, I watch something far less horrifying like 'The Shining' or 'Silence of the Lambs'"

"I need to pluck my eyebrows before they cast Eugene Levy to play me in the movie of my life."

"All carpentry tool names were created by someone in desperate need of sex."

"A Spartan boy was ripped from his mother at seven and subjected to daily beatings My mother calls at 40+ to make sure that I'm still eating"

"A good way to know if your girlfriend is a lizard is if she eats a bunch of crickets or small birds"

"A motorist ran into a shop. ""Do you own a black and white cat?"" he asked. ""No"" replied the manager. ""Oh dear"" said the motorist ""I must have run over a nun."""

"The man who invented knock-knock jokes... He deserves a no-bell prize. I'll see myself out, thanks."

"""I nailed that wood so hard I came..."" - Carpenter who really enjoys his job"

"If I had two bathrooms I'd tell everyone someone died in one, I ain't tryna clean two bathrooms"

"What'd the man with 5 penises say..? These pants fit like a glove!"