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Joke of the Day

"I time-travel quite frequently, ... I'd go to bed around midnight, and in few seconds I'd wake up to, lo and behold, 9 AM."

"i wish i had a cute laugh but instead i sound like a dying seal"

"I read all tweets with poor grammar and word choice in a Cookie Monster voice."

"Her; My phones dead let me use yours Me; (throws phone out car window) oh I must of left it at home"

"""When I was a kid I asked my mum what a couple was and she said: 'Oh, two or three'. She wonders why her marriage didn't work."

"An Apple computer walks into a bar. The bartender says, ""What'll it be, Mac?"""

"Why was the banker bored? Because he lost interest in everything."

"A recent study shows that 51.9% of the UK are under educated. It was called the EU referendum."

"Arjen Robben goes down easier than a thirsty tourist in Magaluf."

"A termite walks into a bar... And asks, ""is the bartender here?"""