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Joke of the Day

"A 79 year old pirate has his next birthday this morning.... he wakes up and says to his crew, ""AYE-matey!"""

"Have you ever tried sex when camping? It's fucking intense..."

"Someone suggested that I try Acupuncture. I don't think adding more pricks will make a difference."

"Thought I saw Donald Trump but it was just a pile of distressed leather with a raccoon napping on top of it."

"Why did the priest cross the road ?? To screw in the children that were crossing the road"

"Every 7 seconds someone in the world dies. Every 6 seconds, a white girl uploads a Pumpkin Spice latte pic on Instagram."

"Swimming in the Ocean I while back I was sitting on a beach in Mexico watching this guy in the ocean screaming ""HELP SHARK, HELP!"" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him."

"She told me she'd do anything for 20 bucks. Guess who just got his Mustang washed."

"what are some of your favorite play-on-name jokes? i don't really have any favorites, just looking to hear some... like what do you call a guy with a shovel? doug."

"Indian Chief My friend got an Indian Chief tattooed on his arm. His arm never worked again!"