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Joke of the Day

"I tried to keep this fart a secret.. but the news got out.. I guess it leaked."

"I don't do drugs. I take drugs. My brain does the drugs. Follow me? Me either -because drugs"

"Friday always feels like Wile E. Coyote running off the cliff and Monday is when he looks down."

"Virgin vs. Slut What's the difference between a virgin and a slut? A virgin says ""Don't! STOP!"" A slut says, ""Don't stop!"""

"No Amazon, I don't want to sort stuff by ""Price: High to Low,"" who are the billionaires who would even make that an option?"

"""Contact Us"" Oh yeah, I'm gonna contact the shit out of you"

"Have you ever had Ethiopian food? Well we're having it tonight. It's [wats](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wat_%28food%29) for dinner!"

"Psychologists say that the left half of the brain is responsible for both kleptomania and numeracy. It's the taking part that counts."

"Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger, but that hard hat and pickaxe are pretty suspicious."

"I hate it when I forget to cut the tags off my sandwich and everyone's like ""New sandwich?"""