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Joke of the Day
"Have you ever seen a blind person reading braille in public? Neither have they"
Next Joke
"I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so I'm dressing up as a phone battery at 2%."
"'Nothing like a real book' I say 'The scent, pages between my fingers- cracking the spine!' My tree girlfriend's parents sway uncomfortably"
"""911? Help, my son has gone missing"" [baby lowers hands from eyes] ""Holy crap he just appeared out of nowhere"""
"Q: What is the difference between a hog and a man? A: A hog doesn't have to sit in a bar and buy drinks all night just so he can f*** some pig."
"Sober me will always have your back.Drunk me will convince you to get a tattoo of a unicorn doing a dolphin over a rainbow on your back."
"He's 52, from now on let's just call him John Depp."
"A kiss makes my day. Anal makes my hole weak."
"You hear the one about a geologist that was an alcoholic? He found rock bottom."
"I remember Daddy told me fairy tales can come true so any time an old lady offers me an apple or cookie I kill her and bury her in the woods"