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Joke of the Day

"I beat up a drummer in marching band. I'm not afraid of any re-percussions."

"I screwed up self-checkout at the supermarket and had to ask myself if I could see a manager."

"Why the plus or minus on the pregnancy test, ept? How about a simple yes or no and we'll decide if that's positive or negative."

"What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and an all-girl track team? Pygmies are cunning runts."

"Five out of six people are okay with Russian Roulette... ... The sixth one loves it to death."

"Request: Jokes for the sick? I have a good friend who was just hospitalized, hopefully nothing too serious. I'd love to send him a few short, clean jokes to cheer him up. Thanks!"

"If you've seen one shopping center... you've seen the mall."

"These pants fit like a cheap hotel... No ballroom."

"Anyone who says ""good morning"" on a Monday is a sociopath."

"There are two types of people in this world: Those who need closure (told by Cortana)"