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Joke of the Day

"Mariah Carey seems like the type to sing all she wants for Christmas is you, but when you don't get her anything she throws a huge hissy fit"

"Did you hear what happened to the girl once she went vegan? Her hair turned black."

"I think I might be a genius! My nephew has a 12 piece jigsaw puzzle that says 3-5 years on the box and I managed to complete it in just 7 hours!"

"They said she was a cat lady but when I threw her off a small building she didn't land on her feet and now I'm in jail for murder."

"If you were to wrap a cloud as a gift, what would you wrap it with? A RAINBOW!"

"Choose your own adventure: S O F A T H E R E Y E S P O P Dad sees a soda? Moving a couch for dad? Obese girl with a vision problem?"

"Anal sex is just like your first car You don't want it, but your dad gives it to you anyway"

"Girlfriends are expensive but so is my drug habit."

"who are the shortest people in the bible? The Shuhites"

"What's his name? A man walks into a bedroom and sees a hot, naked woman lying face-down on the bed. Q: What's his name? A: Willie Turner Q: What's *her* name? A: Betty Will"