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Joke of the Day

"*narrows my eyes at you suspiciously* *keeps narrowing them* *closes them entirely* [naps]"

"I got my kid a cat as a present, but it died before X-mas... Now I'm stuck taking care of a cat"

"[arcade] KID: dad, some guy is hogging the claw machine DAD: hey buddy, why don't you give the kid a turn LOBSTER: BACK OFF WE'RE IN LOVE"

"I have a huge fear of elevators... I've started taking steps to avoid it."

"PE Teacher: Why did you kick that ball straight at the school computer? Pupil: You told me to put it in the Net."

"What happens when a fork and a spoon get into a fight? Civilwar!"

"The secret to a long life Avoid death"

"Did you hear about the cannibal who came home late for dinner? All he got was a cold shoulder."

"Why did the little girl fall off the swing? She didn't have any arms. Bonus: Knock knock. Who's there? Not the little girl... EDIT: Pardon the crappy delivery, english isn't my fist language. ;)"

"Amanda Bynes and Lindsay Lohan have a fight to the death. Who will win? Everybody."